The weather has been crazy lately, it's sunny one minute and then I hear thunder the next.
The unpredictability of it all has kind of gotten me on my tippy toes thus the need to raise my heart rate in order to get (the hormone that calms you down) going.
On the plus side, this erratic weather has brought pretty to my garden. Well, pretty while it lasts. There's this huge tree with white flowers and due to this autumn-esque season now, the flowers are falling all over my ground so it somewhat looks like velvety snow.
Then, we walk around in the garden, the cars pull in and out and they end up soft, mushy and brown. Boo, I even nearly slip on the slippery petals.
.
Have I mentioned, that I have this phobia that I am going to break a body part accidentally one day and be bed ridden for who knows how long? :( That's like putting a dog in the washing machine and spinning it round and round.
.
Not knowing what I'm feeling confused about, somehow hurts more than knowing what I'm confused about and being in, confusion. Because the earlier, has two parts of uncertainty to deal with, the earlier just has one. I think, I am tired. So, mentally exhausted. Tiptoe-ing nearer somehow causes a further pullback and withdrawal. Unintended, yet it seems the only possible way to go. My head feels so heavy, yet knowing it is completely empty and filled with pure trash stinks.
.
I wish people thought more carefully before saying certain things.
When it comes to bringing a certain memory up after trying so hard to suppress it for a fair bit already. I sometimes wonder, what it is I miss about you and why and what exactly it is I think about when you come into mind. So, often. When it comes to talking about issues that have to deal with everything that has to, and can be related to that certain genre.
And on my part, I wish I had thought more carefully before getting involved. Involved with you, and having taken too fast a chance with vulnerability maybe.
And involved with you, deceptive, confusing and strong- you. Who hides so much more than what you portray on your seemingly straight forward surface.
It's weird though, how shutting up brings up so much more noise than talking it out may silence.
Thing is, I feel I have completely lost my ability to relate, communicate and relationalise.
.
"Take care of Dad, yeah?"
She's lucky, ko. No explanation needed, maybe because I don't know how to give a proper, perfect one. And you know how I hate imperfection so much so that I rather have all or nothing. So, she just is.
'I wish, on my life that I could.' Problem is, I don't even know how to take care of myself right now- let alone anyone else.
.
I have (insert large number) of picture on Caspian that should be edited and uploaded but my horrific exam results prohibit me from doing so. That can't be considered as procrastination now, can it? (:
But to add a little something, because Rachel and me had this talk today and listed down (insert big number) of hunks today- I have narrowed down my list yet again, and because I think he's pretty dreamy-
Don't we just love guys in suits.
*swoons*
.
'The reason I snooze my alarm clock in the morning, is because John Mayer isn't annoying enough to wake me up.'
There, my excuse (:
'Taa Lovely.
On the plus side, this erratic weather has brought pretty to my garden. Well, pretty while it lasts. There's this huge tree with white flowers and due to this autumn-esque season now, the flowers are falling all over my ground so it somewhat looks like velvety snow.
Then, we walk around in the garden, the cars pull in and out and they end up soft, mushy and brown. Boo, I even nearly slip on the slippery petals.
.
Have I mentioned, that I have this phobia that I am going to break a body part accidentally one day and be bed ridden for who knows how long? :( That's like putting a dog in the washing machine and spinning it round and round.
.
Not knowing what I'm feeling confused about, somehow hurts more than knowing what I'm confused about and being in, confusion. Because the earlier, has two parts of uncertainty to deal with, the earlier just has one. I think, I am tired. So, mentally exhausted. Tiptoe-ing nearer somehow causes a further pullback and withdrawal. Unintended, yet it seems the only possible way to go. My head feels so heavy, yet knowing it is completely empty and filled with pure trash stinks.
.
I wish people thought more carefully before saying certain things.
When it comes to bringing a certain memory up after trying so hard to suppress it for a fair bit already. I sometimes wonder, what it is I miss about you and why and what exactly it is I think about when you come into mind. So, often.
And on my part, I wish I had thought more carefully before getting involved. Involved with you, and having taken too fast a chance with vulnerability maybe.
And involved with you, deceptive, confusing and strong- you. Who hides so much more than what you portray on your seemingly straight forward surface.
It's weird though, how shutting up brings up so much more noise than talking it out may silence.
Thing is, I feel I have completely lost my ability to relate, communicate and relationalise.
.
"Take care of Dad, yeah?"
She's lucky, ko. No explanation needed, maybe because I don't know how to give a proper, perfect one. And you know how I hate imperfection so much so that I rather have all or nothing. So, she just is.
'I wish, on my life that I could.' Problem is, I don't even know how to take care of myself right now- let alone anyone else.
.
I have (insert large number) of picture on Caspian that should be edited and uploaded but my horrific exam results prohibit me from doing so. That can't be considered as procrastination now, can it? (:
But to add a little something, because Rachel and me had this talk today and listed down (insert big number) of hunks today- I have narrowed down my list yet again, and because I think he's pretty dreamy-
Don't we just love guys in suits.*swoons*
.
'The reason I snooze my alarm clock in the morning, is because John Mayer isn't annoying enough to wake me up.'
There, my excuse (:
'Taa Lovely.







